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keep trying

I swear I'm not trying to turn this into the saddest LJ, but I've never been good at lying.

I'm fine most of the time. Or, at least, acting fine. I laugh and smile on cue, I went back to wearing make-up (although not every day)...

But I was told this yesterday "yeah, you've lost your grandmother, but how long will that be an excuse?"

Dude, I lost one of my mothers two months ago! Yes, I said mother. She raised me, we've been together nearly everyday for the biggest portion of my life, I miss her like crazy and I avoid seeing photos of her because it still hurts.

And that's how you phrase it? An excuse? Admittedly, I haven't been doing the best at my jobs. I'm trying to manage things and, to be frank, I feel like I'm failing most of them.

I like my students and this helps, but if I could pause certain things right now, I would.